News article
Carrying the family’s pain as a child
Rejected, unloved, lonely, and different. These are feelings experienced by children whose parents suffer from mental illness or have taken their own lives. Many of them carry a heavy responsibility for their parents—and the silence surrounding their situation often leaves them alone with the pain.
Nearly one in five children in Sweden has at least one parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems. These children are at increased risk of developing their own addiction and health problems later in life—but how are they doing here and now?
– We know their health is affected, especially their mental health and their ability to participate socially in society—in school, with friends, in sports clubs, says Lennart Magnusson, associate professor in nursing science at Linnaeus University.
This is mainly because the children often take on a great deal of responsibility for their relatives, he explains:
– They worry about their parents. Maybe they don’t dare leave their mother alone; they’re afraid of what might happen because of her addiction or mental illness.
More commonly they take over tasks the parent would normally do—such as shopping, caring for younger siblings, and managing household chores.
Lennart Magnusson,
Associate professor in nursing science at Linnaeus University
Children and young people care for parents and manage households
It also happens that children and young people provide personal care for their parents.
– But more commonly, they take over tasks the parent would normally do—such as shopping, caring for younger siblings, and managing household chores.
A few years ago, Lennart and his colleagues conducted a survey among young caregivers aged 15 to 17.
– Many of them had provided care for their relatives. Many had done so since their early teens, and one-third answered ‘For as long as I can remember’—so for some children, this starts early.
In an ongoing Forte-funded research project, Lennart and his colleagues are now focusing on younger children, aged 12 to 15, with parents or other close relatives suffering from mental illness or addiction problems.
Through a survey, they examine these children’s situations. They are also developing and testing an intervention partly based on ACT—Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Growing up with addiction is traumatic for children
Growing up in a family where addiction occurs is traumatic and makes you feel different. This also applies to children who have lost a parent during childhood.
– Children also feel alone in their attempts to interpret, understand, and process trauma related to a parent’s death or addiction, says Anneli Silvén Hagström, Senior Lecturer and Associate Professor in Social Work at Stockholm University.
Anneli has interviewed children and young people about their experiences of losing a parent to suicide and having a parent with substance dependence. Children often try to normalize themselves by not talking about the parent’s death or addiction, she explains.
– And when they are left to create meaning from their experiences on their own, self-blame and self-deprecating interpretations can dominate, she says.
Children also feel alone in their attempts to interpret, understand, and process trauma related to a parent’s death or addiction.
Anneli Silvén Hagström
Senior lecturer and associate professor in Social work at Stockholm University.
Children take on guilt or feel rejected
Children may think their parent’s problems or death are their fault, and they may see themselves as unloved and rejected.
– But if they are given the opportunity to participate in professional settings, their experiences, feelings, and needs can be normalized. This helps them rebuild their self-image and create a non-stigmatizing understanding of the parent’s problems or death.
One example of a professional setting is Bris support weekends—a grief support program for families where a parent has taken their own life. This is also one of the programs Anneli has studied in her research.
– The support weekends can help children understand the parent’s suicide as a ‘thought illness.’ This creates meaning and can relieve children of the guilt they have placed on themselves, she says.
Her research project also includes a study of children and young people who, in the early 1990s, participated in Ersta Vändpunkten’s support groups for children of parents with substance dependence. Anneli has analyzed interviews conducted repeatedly with these children during their upbringing and interviewed some of them as adults.
Children testify to carrying family secrets
– They expressed fear, terror, grief, and powerlessness. Experiences of vulnerability, neglect, and criticism contributed to a self-image of being unloved and abandoned. They also described how they acted as caregivers in the family—how they cared for the intoxicated parent by cleaning up vomit, undressing and putting the parent to bed, and how they took responsibility for younger siblings and themselves.
The children’s strategy was, out of loyalty to the ‘family secret,’ to keep silent about the parent’s substance problem and try to hide the consequences—but sometimes they broke the silence and sought help from adults.
– Remarkably, this did not improve their situation, so an important finding from the study is that professionals should not only listen but also act on children’s accounts of vulnerability.
The organization Maskrosbarn wants to break the stigma
The children’s rights organization Maskrosbarn works to improve living conditions for 700,000 children in Sweden who have parents with addiction problems, mental illness, or who expose their children to violence.
We need to break the immense stigma children experience.
Johanna Azar
Acting head of advocacy and Operations manager for Maskrosbarn Gothenburg. Photo: Emmelie Ginste
– Those who grew up in a dysfunctional family often feel that help comes too late. Many say someone should have noticed already in preschool, says Johanna Azar, Acting head of advocacy and Operations manager for Maskrosbarn Gothenburg
Listening is a good first step, but more can be done to help these children.
– We need to try to break the immense stigma they experience, because it makes it hard for them to talk about their situation.
Johanna often hears young people say things like: “My lifesaver was the neighbor who invited me and my sister for dinner—we could just go in there,” or similar stories.
– So if you have children yourself, and their friends come from homes where you wonder if everything is okay, you can invite them along on a family outing, for example.
You can also file a concern report with social services.
– But we find that social services don’t have enough tools to help these children. It’s important that there is support that doesn’t depend on the parents saying yes or no, and that the support is directed straight to the children.
Maria Zamore (English translation by Forte)
Children as next of kin
Children as next of kin (BSA) are children with a parent or another close relative who dies unexpectedly, or who has a serious illness (mental illness, disability, serious physical illness,
or dependence on alcohol or other drugs).
Studies have identified two high-risk groups among children and young people:
- Those who have a parent who suffered from mental illness and who took their own life.
- Those who have a parent who abuses alcohol and/or other drugs.
These childhood conditions have been shown to be linked to an increased occurrence of social and psychological problems and premature death, often due to causes that can be prevented,
such as suicide, violence, accidents, and harmful substance use.
Source: Stockholm University
